The FBI Dog

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," say the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." Sitting down at the computer, the dog types out 80 words per minute. "Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time. "There's one last requirement," the director continues, "you must be bilingual," With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

That's what Bullshit can do

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree," sighed the pheasant, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun and blew the f*ck out of the pheasant.
The moral of this story? BULLSHIT MIGHT GET YOU TO THE TOP, BUT IT WON'T KEEP YOU THERE.

Strange Horse...

A man was driving through the country, got thirsty and entered a pub. After a few minutes a large brown horse came clip-clopping in, sat down at a table, crossed its legs and ordered a coffee. Astonished, he asked the pub keeper if this wasn't just a little strange.
"Very," he said. "Normally it drinks a pint of beer."